Dry Months

For some time it had been difficult to write for this blog. Nothing good came out, even as I sat and stared at the computer for the longest time. Of course, there are reasons:

1. Could it be because of my oral chemotherapy? I had been on a combination of Revlimid/Dexamethasone/Clarithromycin for close to a year now, and this has caused several health issues. Last summer 2009, my kappa/lambda ratio shot up, so I was placed on an oral chemo regimen. This means my illness is now considered chronic, and had to be treated with one of the myriad drug combinations for multiple myeloma. Result: sleepless nights, easily gets sick, fatigue, inability to concentrate, diabetes, asthma, etc, etc, etc. I have first hand experience on what ‘writhing in pain’ really is, and one bout of pneumonia brought me close to death’s doors, or so I thought. I will spare you the details – this is boring stuff and will not help anyone. Let us just say that some days are better than others, and leave it like that, okay?

2. Was it due to my part time job? Sometimes I think our jobs stifle our creativity. If you have to alphabetize 4,000 badges and do data entries all the time – the creative juices seemed to have dried up and even if one squeeze the hardest, the trickles come few and far between!


3. Is it because of Facebook? I finally succumbed to the invitations last year – it seemed that the whole community is in it. Acquaintances who disappeared from my life for 30 years suddenly show up, and it was great to know what is going on, especially on close friends and relatives. Yet, for all the good facebooking brings, I find that it takes up time, and crowds out deeper thinking. As they say, sometimes ‘good’ becomes the enemy of ‘best.’

So, dear friends and family, here am I, in one of my sleepless nights, giving you the perfect alibi as to why this blog had not been moving for a long, long time. I dreamed about it, wanted to do it, started writing but never finished it.

Hmmn, what should I give up:
a) my oral chemo? B) part time job? C) facebook? D) All of the above?

Little Things...

Seriously. This took place an hour ago, this day, this year!

Husband: “Darl(ing), can you please give Riann's other e-mail address (our daughter). I am wondering why she does not respond to my message for the longest time.”
Me: “ Oh, she is not using that one anymore. Okay – here it is: riannashagfoia@yahoo.com.” ( I was ready to hang up)
Husband: “Wait, wait. Just give me a sec, okay? “
Me: “Why?”
Husband: “I need to write that down.”
Me: “Really?”
Husband: “Okay, I am ready. What did you say the e-mail address was?”
Me: “: riannashagfoia@yahoo.com.”
Me: “Husband: Okay. Riannash – did you say Riannash?
Me: “Yes, dear. Your daughter’s name. You got it?”
Husband. “Got it.”
Me: “Then agfoia as in your family name.”
Husband: “Ok. I know that. Then at (@)?”
Me: “Yes, @ as in a-t.”
Husband: “What did you say the next word was?”
Me: “Yahoo – dot - com.”
Husband: “How do you spell yahoo?”
Me: “You don’t know how to spell yahoo?”
Husband: “Ya- then- ho.”
Me: “Make sure you got the double ‘o.’”
Husband. “Yahoo. Double o. Then dot com.”
Me: “Right! Great job!”
Husband: “Do you capitalize the R and the A?”
Me: “No, dear. All should be in lower case.”
Husband: “riannshagfoia@yahoo.com. Thank you, darl.”
Me: “You are most welcome! No problem, no problem at all!”

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love…… patience……” Galatians 5: 22, NIV

Happy New Year, friends and family, and guests who follow - or chance upon - my blog! Thank you for being part of my 2009!

To those I have let down, I am sorry. Please give me another chance next year.

To those I’ve made promises to and never kept – it was not deliberate but I will ‘improve’ in 2010. Promise.

To those whom I might have ignored or breezed by because I was in a hurry - I will try to slow down and take my time next year.

To those I owe dinners, lunches, night out, teas, etc. I’ll fix that, I’ll make time. For sure.

To those who have made me smile through those difficult times, thank you!

To those who prayed for me, even those not knowing me personally, I salute you!

To those who, when I was feeling my lowest, hugged me and told me they cared, you are precious!

To those I’ve disagreed with, argued with and just never got along with…well, I’m sorry. Let’s try again next year.

Those that I’ve hurt, intentionally or unintentionally, I’m sorry again.

You made 2009 a great year for me. I wish you and your loved ones prosperity, good health, wealth, happiness, abundant blessings. May 2010 be the year you achieve great and wonderful things in God’s guidance and strength.

Christmas 2009

Today I woke up wondering what should I give my children for Christmas gifts. They are 27 and 22 years old respectively, both single and still living with us. They are both in transition: the elder in between jobs and contemplating of going back to school. The younger one has just finished college and is currently applying for a job after, hopefully, passing the licensure examination.

Since they are both adults now we feel that they need to feel what real life is really about. My husband and I (mainly I) were thinking that maybe we had overprotected them and made life easy for them. We decided that they must experience a little more hardship in order for them to appreciate life a little more.

So here am I this early Christmas morning, contemplating on what I should give them this Christmas. Okay, the right phrase should be "how much I should give them." It is too late for Christmas shopping - and I did not want to add to their already full closets or give them things that they do not need or even want.

Well, before I get out of bed, I should have something concrete. Shall I give them a few dollar bills as I vowed to myself several times in the past? Or just a Christmas card, or a Christmas letter - after all, it is the thought that counts, isn't it?

The more I thought and prayed about it, I realize I cannot do that, despite my vows, or however they have performed in the past. My mother's heart could not afford to do it - Christmas is about giving - not punishing. And surely it will not make me any happier.

What affirmed this idea was the thought that God loves me and is heaping favor upon favor on me, and is continually filling my life with blessings. There is no doubt that I had disappointed Him countless times in the past and in the present too, yet He does not hesitate to lavish extravagant gifts on me. He allowed His only Son to suffer pain and hardship that I hardly know about, just so I may have a chance to be with Him for eternity. Even now when I do not talk to Him for the whole day but spend time in such silly activities such as facebooking, He is always there, ready- and longing- to give me what I need most: comfort, guidance, wisdom, perceptive heart, hope - whatever my need happens to be.

Being a parent made me understand God's heart a little bit more. Several times He was fuming over the rebellion, defiance and stupidity of His favored people, the Israelites, yet in His next breath, He promises to take care of them, to restore to them what they lost. He pleads with them to return to Him, because He knows this is their best chance to overcome the enemy. Oh, what love!

So here am I, preparing my simple gift to my young adult children, the ones the Lord gave me to love. The amount I am preparing is several times more than what I had originally intended - small, yet this will substantially reduce my already depleted 'net worth.' But I know this will make me happy, after all, I am a recipient of so much more favor, blessings and love.

They say that there are 2 kinds of gratefulness: the sudden, ecstatic kind you feel when you receive, and the long-lasting joy you experience when you give. No wonder God never stop giving. To Him, everyday is Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

How to Develop Faith

I am not an expert on this subject - am just learning this day by day as each day I search for what fills and satisfies in this life.

I am sharing what I have discovered.

1. Faith is a mightier conqueror than death.

2. Faith is strengthened by exercise. We go through experiences that test our faith - these are for our benefit - they reveal if our faith is true and sincere, or if it is uncertain and changeable.

3. If we would give more expression to our faith - rejoice more in the blessing we know we have - we should have more faith and greater joy.

4. Keep every gift we receive from our Creator fresh in our memory. This will strengthen our faith, and gives us the chance to claim more and more. The soul that responds to the grace of God is like a watered garden. Health shall spring forth speedily.

While Summer 09 Memories are still fresh...

August 23, 2009:

It is the peak of summer - this was day we had been dreaming about in January and February. It is time to wear sleeveless tops and shorts, and enjoy fun and sun. It is time for barbecue, picnics, road trips, beaches - I just won't let this go by without a blog, would I?

We just returned home from a surprise birthday picnic for my husband who turned sixty, yes, 6-0, this August. His birthday was on the 4th, but because of too many activities earlier, we had to have it today.

This is my first time to organize a surprise party in a long while. The challenge is doubled because my right leg is not strong yet, and I am using a cane. It was a problem to move heavy objects - like drinks, water, watermelon - and it seemed like I went up and down the stairs a thousand times. It was even more difficult to give a good answer every time my husband asks me why was I hauling those stuff!

Well, we made it - I think he kind of suspected it later - but we all had fun.

We had it at Thomas Point in Annapolis, a fishing park operated by Anne Arundel County. This is my husband's favorite place - fishing relieves him of his stresses in life - so loved it that my friend commented that if we will have third child, his name should be "Thomas." I cannot understand this obsession to fishing, I cannot see any excitement in waiting for fish for the longest time. But since this is his day, it is just right to hold the party at a place he loves, isn't it?
I addition to standard party essentials of food, drinks and good company, there was an added bonus of roasting freshly caught fish, including an 18-inch rock fish, which got everyone excited. The photographers had a busy time.

I smelled of smoke, barbecue, sun and sweat. But is this not what summer is all about?
Enjoy the rest of your summer - fall, and then winter, is coming again!

The Power of Little Things

As I reached down to buckle up my sandals, my right leg hurts – I can’t believe it – I am unable to reach low enough to buckle up my sandals on my right foot. How come? This was not a hard task to do a couple of weeks ago, but my neglect of my leg raises and other exercises has this effect already.

It hit me hard – this thing I know for a long time now – little things matter. The 100 leg raises while supine, on my side and prone may just be a 20-minute thing in the morning, but I can easily feel the result.

Little things count. A musician once said that if he cannot practice for a day, he knows; if he cannot practice for 2 days, his teacher knows, and if cannot practice for a week, the audience will know.

"If I don't practice one day, I know it; two days, the critics know it; three days, the public knows it." Jascha Heifetz

"It may take practice to think more positively and more compassionately, but just as you must train a puppy to behave the way you want it to, you must train your mind to behave itself. Otherwise, like the puppy, your mind will just make a lot of messes." Tom Barrett

"Practice yourself, for heaven's sake in little things, and then proceed to greater." Epictetus

I painfully know how it is. If I miss my exercises for just a couple of days, my leg will lose the little strength that it has gained so far.
So it is with life.
Don’t underestimate the power of little things – they are the stuff big things are made of.

Even Lucifer, a bright cherub who was always in the presence of God lost his position because “little by little, he nourished the seed of jealousy and pride in his heart.”

"It is by slighting the daily opportunities, by neglecting the little things right at hand, that so many become fruitless and weathered." E. G. White

“Little by little Satan came to indulge the desire for self-exaltation” and God's established order was disrupted.—Ellen G. White, The Faith I Live By, p. 66.