Yesterday, our Human Resources office asked me to come to work.

I had opted to rest from my part time job for the month of May, and was happy when HR told me that I can be ‘floater on call,’ which will keep me in the employee pool. This is the lowest rung in the support staff ladder, but it has advantages: I can work out my schedule myself, and need not work if I am not up to it, and yet still be considered ‘employed’ and can get back to full time later without the hassle of applying again.

Well, I started on this category yesterday. Surprise! I will have to sort out, and alphabetize badges, and do similar mundane things for the next couple of weeks.

As I did my work, many thoughts crossed my mind: “Why did I say ‘yes’ to this job without knowing the details?” “I am capable of doing more.” “I should have stayed home and did some cooking – it would have been more challenging and creative.” “How can I get out of this job without being obnoxious? (it should be ‘how not to be perceived as obnoxious-’ I was already insufferably one!)

As these thoughts crossed my mind, I remembered these verses that I came across last week: “But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' "Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?” (Romans 9: 20-21)

Perhaps the New Living Translation might help me better:
“No, don’t say that. Who are you, a mere human being, to argue with God? Should the thing that was created say to the one who created it, “Why have you made me like this?” When a potter makes jars out of clay, doesn’t he have a right to use the same lump of clay to make one jar for decoration and another to throw garbage into?”

So, I told myself, “do your best at the doors that God opens for you.” If He wants me to be a common vessel, I will gladly do it, in His strength.

After the first half hour, my mind was at peace – I was cheerfully sorting out badges, and was looking forward to other similar jobs. My work will make my colleagues’ lives a little easier as they face the stresses and demands of a big meeting in a couple of weeks, and this thought certainly made my time and my effort worthwhile.

Dry Months

For some time it had been difficult to write for this blog. Nothing good came out, even as I sat and stared at the computer for the longest time. Of course, there are reasons:

1. Could it be because of my oral chemotherapy? I had been on a combination of Revlimid/Dexamethasone/Clarithromycin for close to a year now, and this has caused several health issues. Last summer 2009, my kappa/lambda ratio shot up, so I was placed on an oral chemo regimen. This means my illness is now considered chronic, and had to be treated with one of the myriad drug combinations for multiple myeloma. Result: sleepless nights, easily gets sick, fatigue, inability to concentrate, diabetes, asthma, etc, etc, etc. I have first hand experience on what ‘writhing in pain’ really is, and one bout of pneumonia brought me close to death’s doors, or so I thought. I will spare you the details – this is boring stuff and will not help anyone. Let us just say that some days are better than others, and leave it like that, okay?

2. Was it due to my part time job? Sometimes I think our jobs stifle our creativity. If you have to alphabetize 4,000 badges and do data entries all the time – the creative juices seemed to have dried up and even if one squeeze the hardest, the trickles come few and far between!


3. Is it because of Facebook? I finally succumbed to the invitations last year – it seemed that the whole community is in it. Acquaintances who disappeared from my life for 30 years suddenly show up, and it was great to know what is going on, especially on close friends and relatives. Yet, for all the good facebooking brings, I find that it takes up time, and crowds out deeper thinking. As they say, sometimes ‘good’ becomes the enemy of ‘best.’

So, dear friends and family, here am I, in one of my sleepless nights, giving you the perfect alibi as to why this blog had not been moving for a long, long time. I dreamed about it, wanted to do it, started writing but never finished it.

Hmmn, what should I give up:
a) my oral chemo? B) part time job? C) facebook? D) All of the above?