2010 Year-end Reflection

How did the year go for you? I hope it brought you joy, growth, improved relationships, more patience, more faith. Let me share with you the highs and lows of my 2010.

The single best thing that happened this year is that I am alive at the end of the year! I have been face to face with death two or three times this year, but God granted me life. Perhaps there are still things I need to do. Perhaps I am not ready. Whatever it is, each breath, each movement, strength, energy, sight, ability to hear - these are all gifts I took for granted, but not anymore. For me, each day now is precious, to be lived to the fullest.

One thing that brought me joy this year is that I still got a job in spite of my limitations, and that my employers thought I am still valuable. My pay may not be much, but this gave my confidence a boost. The best part of my job? Payday!:)

Did I grow? I'd like to think I did - but this has to be confirmed by my children and husband. I believe I am easier to live with this year, not stressed of every little thing that went awry. I thought first before I speak - most times anyway and thus avoided the harsh words that used to plague me and caused troubles and heartaches.

This year, I managed to shed off ten pounds, I can celebrate! Fifteen more to go!

The best spiritual lesson I got this year: Humility. And wow, the pruning process is really painful!

(Photo of one of the trees in Geneva,Switzerland. They are pruned in the fall perhaps to keep the foliage from getting out of hand.)

"Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and mometary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 1Cor 4: 16-18

Letter, October 2010

Bacolod Adventist Medical Center, Rm # 316
Taculing, Bacolod City, Philippines
October 7, 2010

Dear Family and Friends,

Thank you so much for all your prayers for me in my most recent brush with death. It was a most terrifying experience.I was in Isabela, Negros Occidental spending time with my mother and some family members. I developed a high grade fever. My brother and sister-in-law, both doctors, examined me immediately, to rule out dengue! The fever persisted for four days – I was examined twice a day, my blood counts were checked daily, and everything seemed to point to a viral infection, without any sign of rash or dengue.

At the 4th day, my fever abated, and, lo, I saw scary looking petticheae on my legs. I called my brother and asked that I be reserved a room at BSH, because I am going there for admission. My platelet count the previous day was 98 (thousand), so I was not that concerned.

At the ER, after all the preliminaries, I waited for the aide to take me up to my room. My brother looked concerned (so that was how he looked when he is stressed!)– the ER nurse said my platelet count was “low” but avoided saying the actual figure… however, the admitting PGI spilled the beans, “it was 4!” he told me.

I was speechless for a few seconds. I know the normal is way up there – at least 150thousand… maybe 300,000. And here am I – closer to zero, closer to death than to life.

There is nothing else to do but talk to the Lord. I had prepared for this time in my mind over and over again several times in the past. So now, what will I do? Nothing more, except talk with God, say my goodbyes to my family, and relax and wait for the time when I walk that magic door that will take me “home.” My husband and son are in Maryland, Shari is on her way here and will be here tomorrow. I hope she will be here on time.

Well, there’s nothing else to do but wait. I recited the verses that I committed to memory: Psalm 103

Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

There were other verses too, and they all kept me calm. That special paragraph from the “Desire of Ages” that I came across with recently in my reading:
“The omnipotent power of the Holy Spirit is the defense of every contrite soul.....With Him there can be no such thing as failure, loss, impossibility or defeat; we can do all things through Him who strengthens us...”

Giving up/giving in is the easy way out – fighting is so much harder, it requires a lot more from oneself. I had been tempted to give up, but that would be denying my faith. This is the time where the proverbial “face to face with fear’” or something like that is so true to me, but face it I will.

So here am I today, waiting for my body to regulate itself and dreaming of the time when I can get out of this hospital and go home. Home sounded so good!

Whew! We really do not realize what a precious gift we have in this amazing bodies we have. We are surely fearfully and wonderfully made!

Until next time, if ever there will still be a next time.

I love you all.

Nanay Paro, Part I

Nanay Paro is my mother. Born in 1920, she was the 4th among 11 siblings in rural Philippines. She was three months shy of 20 when she married her first husband, Jesus Gazo Jordan on May 6, 1940. Last Sept 16, 2010, she celebrated her 90th birthday. All of us, her 10 children and our families tried to be around to celebrate it with her. Afterwards, I spent a couple more weeks with her. I intended to stay one more month, but dengue fever (me) stopped it short. Sayang, we planned on going to Cebu together, spend a few days in Guimaras, and go to nearby beaches.

Anyway, our chats were precious. We seldom have the chance to talk heart-to –heart with our parents, do we? Especially in a large family like ours, ten children, imagine that – one has to be intentional in order to get some information out of our parents. We talked about how were they raised, their chores, relationship between siblings, courtship, early family life to name a few.

So here am I, attempting to record what I gleaned and hopefully not miss a thing. Well, someone else has to fill in some of the gaps later.

Amparo Pineda was born in rural Candumarao, Hinigaran, Negros Occidental, Philippines. She was the 3rd girl in the family. She was/is best friend to her older sister, Aurea, because they share the same fate of being the second and third child of the family. The eldest daughter was conferred some degree of authority and favor – she could tell the younger girls (Aurea and Amparo) what to do, and was sent to a dressmaking training as a young woman. Their father believed that only one should be trained, the others will just catch on, if they can. Aurea and Amparo learned to sew by taking turns sneaking in and working the sewing machine when their parents and elder sister Florentina were away. They both became good at it too and were able to sew for their families. In addition, Nanay even learned some embroidery, even ‘callado’ (lace work) from those stolen time with the sewing machine.

Education? No, not for women, according to my lolo (grandfather). This was why male child number 5, was sent to school, with the idea that he will help his siblings get higher education later on.

Back to Amparo. She went to school, finished 5th grade under American volunteer teachers. She was smart, and easily became one of the top students of her class. In 4th grade, her father wanted her to help out in the rice farm, so she missed a quarter of school. But oh, how she loved school – she returned to school after three months, caught up with the lessons, and managed to be salutatorian at the end of the school year.

After WWII when the country needed lots of teachers, her young husband encouraged her to study. Training was just for a few years, maybe even just months. She refused because she had a baby daughter then. She thought that if she will have to choose between a sick baby and a school test, she would choose her baby anytime. She vowed to send all her children to school, whatever it may cost her.

With all the domestic duties my parents have to do, and with the responsibility of looking after such a big family, there was very little time for a relaxing talk in our family. For as long as I can remember, there was always someone in college, high school, elementary, primary, a toddler or a baby in the family. Is it any wonder that Nanay and Tatay never talk about their courtship? This time she did. I will post it next time.