Happy New Year, friends and family, and guests who follow - or chance upon - my blog! Thank you for being part of my 2009!

To those I have let down, I am sorry. Please give me another chance next year.

To those I’ve made promises to and never kept – it was not deliberate but I will ‘improve’ in 2010. Promise.

To those whom I might have ignored or breezed by because I was in a hurry - I will try to slow down and take my time next year.

To those I owe dinners, lunches, night out, teas, etc. I’ll fix that, I’ll make time. For sure.

To those who have made me smile through those difficult times, thank you!

To those who prayed for me, even those not knowing me personally, I salute you!

To those who, when I was feeling my lowest, hugged me and told me they cared, you are precious!

To those I’ve disagreed with, argued with and just never got along with…well, I’m sorry. Let’s try again next year.

Those that I’ve hurt, intentionally or unintentionally, I’m sorry again.

You made 2009 a great year for me. I wish you and your loved ones prosperity, good health, wealth, happiness, abundant blessings. May 2010 be the year you achieve great and wonderful things in God’s guidance and strength.

Christmas 2009

Today I woke up wondering what should I give my children for Christmas gifts. They are 27 and 22 years old respectively, both single and still living with us. They are both in transition: the elder in between jobs and contemplating of going back to school. The younger one has just finished college and is currently applying for a job after, hopefully, passing the licensure examination.

Since they are both adults now we feel that they need to feel what real life is really about. My husband and I (mainly I) were thinking that maybe we had overprotected them and made life easy for them. We decided that they must experience a little more hardship in order for them to appreciate life a little more.

So here am I this early Christmas morning, contemplating on what I should give them this Christmas. Okay, the right phrase should be "how much I should give them." It is too late for Christmas shopping - and I did not want to add to their already full closets or give them things that they do not need or even want.

Well, before I get out of bed, I should have something concrete. Shall I give them a few dollar bills as I vowed to myself several times in the past? Or just a Christmas card, or a Christmas letter - after all, it is the thought that counts, isn't it?

The more I thought and prayed about it, I realize I cannot do that, despite my vows, or however they have performed in the past. My mother's heart could not afford to do it - Christmas is about giving - not punishing. And surely it will not make me any happier.

What affirmed this idea was the thought that God loves me and is heaping favor upon favor on me, and is continually filling my life with blessings. There is no doubt that I had disappointed Him countless times in the past and in the present too, yet He does not hesitate to lavish extravagant gifts on me. He allowed His only Son to suffer pain and hardship that I hardly know about, just so I may have a chance to be with Him for eternity. Even now when I do not talk to Him for the whole day but spend time in such silly activities such as facebooking, He is always there, ready- and longing- to give me what I need most: comfort, guidance, wisdom, perceptive heart, hope - whatever my need happens to be.

Being a parent made me understand God's heart a little bit more. Several times He was fuming over the rebellion, defiance and stupidity of His favored people, the Israelites, yet in His next breath, He promises to take care of them, to restore to them what they lost. He pleads with them to return to Him, because He knows this is their best chance to overcome the enemy. Oh, what love!

So here am I, preparing my simple gift to my young adult children, the ones the Lord gave me to love. The amount I am preparing is several times more than what I had originally intended - small, yet this will substantially reduce my already depleted 'net worth.' But I know this will make me happy, after all, I am a recipient of so much more favor, blessings and love.

They say that there are 2 kinds of gratefulness: the sudden, ecstatic kind you feel when you receive, and the long-lasting joy you experience when you give. No wonder God never stop giving. To Him, everyday is Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

How to Develop Faith

I am not an expert on this subject - am just learning this day by day as each day I search for what fills and satisfies in this life.

I am sharing what I have discovered.

1. Faith is a mightier conqueror than death.

2. Faith is strengthened by exercise. We go through experiences that test our faith - these are for our benefit - they reveal if our faith is true and sincere, or if it is uncertain and changeable.

3. If we would give more expression to our faith - rejoice more in the blessing we know we have - we should have more faith and greater joy.

4. Keep every gift we receive from our Creator fresh in our memory. This will strengthen our faith, and gives us the chance to claim more and more. The soul that responds to the grace of God is like a watered garden. Health shall spring forth speedily.

While Summer 09 Memories are still fresh...

August 23, 2009:

It is the peak of summer - this was day we had been dreaming about in January and February. It is time to wear sleeveless tops and shorts, and enjoy fun and sun. It is time for barbecue, picnics, road trips, beaches - I just won't let this go by without a blog, would I?

We just returned home from a surprise birthday picnic for my husband who turned sixty, yes, 6-0, this August. His birthday was on the 4th, but because of too many activities earlier, we had to have it today.

This is my first time to organize a surprise party in a long while. The challenge is doubled because my right leg is not strong yet, and I am using a cane. It was a problem to move heavy objects - like drinks, water, watermelon - and it seemed like I went up and down the stairs a thousand times. It was even more difficult to give a good answer every time my husband asks me why was I hauling those stuff!

Well, we made it - I think he kind of suspected it later - but we all had fun.

We had it at Thomas Point in Annapolis, a fishing park operated by Anne Arundel County. This is my husband's favorite place - fishing relieves him of his stresses in life - so loved it that my friend commented that if we will have third child, his name should be "Thomas." I cannot understand this obsession to fishing, I cannot see any excitement in waiting for fish for the longest time. But since this is his day, it is just right to hold the party at a place he loves, isn't it?
I addition to standard party essentials of food, drinks and good company, there was an added bonus of roasting freshly caught fish, including an 18-inch rock fish, which got everyone excited. The photographers had a busy time.

I smelled of smoke, barbecue, sun and sweat. But is this not what summer is all about?
Enjoy the rest of your summer - fall, and then winter, is coming again!

The Power of Little Things

As I reached down to buckle up my sandals, my right leg hurts – I can’t believe it – I am unable to reach low enough to buckle up my sandals on my right foot. How come? This was not a hard task to do a couple of weeks ago, but my neglect of my leg raises and other exercises has this effect already.

It hit me hard – this thing I know for a long time now – little things matter. The 100 leg raises while supine, on my side and prone may just be a 20-minute thing in the morning, but I can easily feel the result.

Little things count. A musician once said that if he cannot practice for a day, he knows; if he cannot practice for 2 days, his teacher knows, and if cannot practice for a week, the audience will know.

"If I don't practice one day, I know it; two days, the critics know it; three days, the public knows it." Jascha Heifetz

"It may take practice to think more positively and more compassionately, but just as you must train a puppy to behave the way you want it to, you must train your mind to behave itself. Otherwise, like the puppy, your mind will just make a lot of messes." Tom Barrett

"Practice yourself, for heaven's sake in little things, and then proceed to greater." Epictetus

I painfully know how it is. If I miss my exercises for just a couple of days, my leg will lose the little strength that it has gained so far.
So it is with life.
Don’t underestimate the power of little things – they are the stuff big things are made of.

Even Lucifer, a bright cherub who was always in the presence of God lost his position because “little by little, he nourished the seed of jealousy and pride in his heart.”

"It is by slighting the daily opportunities, by neglecting the little things right at hand, that so many become fruitless and weathered." E. G. White

“Little by little Satan came to indulge the desire for self-exaltation” and God's established order was disrupted.—Ellen G. White, The Faith I Live By, p. 66.

Book Review: "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson

Bill Bryson’s family had moved to New Hampshire, his backyard is just a few yards to a signpost of the famous Appalachian Trail. He got interested and fascinated at the idea of hiking the AT. Pretty soon was telling everybody about it. Problem is, once he started reading on all the tales that happened on the AT, the gruesome details of bear maulings and similar accidents, illnesses, the difficulty of the trail on some parts, and the length, all 2,148 miles of trail from Georgia to Maine, he realized it was way, way out of his league.

He nevertheless plunges into his plans and into the woods. This is his account as he and his friend Katz, both neophyte woodsmen, middle aged, and both butt-heavy, tackled on the great Appalachian Trail, the greatest and most celebrated of all American trails. They emerged from this experience with greater respect of the mountains and the woods, and learned hard lessons of life and self-reliance.

From the time he went into the camping section of his local sport goods store, his comical chronicle of their misadventures entertained me a lot. He is witty, elegant, and just fun to read…err, listen to. McLarty reading is clear, precise. I can hear the frustration of walking miles and miles of wood, their shivering when caught in a snowstorm, fear when they thought a bear was near, his voice rising or falling, going along with the emotion of the moment.

I was greatly entertained in my drive to and from work. I found myself taking the long way, and hoping that the light is red on intersections so that I will have a little more time to know what was going to happen next. If you love the outdoors, or plan on hiking the AT sometime later, or just want to read about it and be entertained, this is a great book. I picked up walking again after lying low for some time. The book, and the fact that my girth seem to be getting bigger.

Great for road trips. With some no-good words – from Katz, who is a recovering substance abuser- so parental guidance is needed, if you have small children. Seven cassettes of approximately 1 hr each.

Would you like to walk some parts of the Appalachian Trail with me? Let’s do Shenandoah National Park first….

My Nth Doctor's Visit

“Are you in pain?” The young phlebotomist asked me, in a voice that was a little too loud, with a bit more decibels than necessary.

“No,” I replied.

“Please roll up your sleeves,” she instructed. I did as told. She picked up needle wrappers from one table and trashed it. She got the used torniquet from the table on her left and trashed it. She did this for some time, with me seated there facing her, her audience. Hmm, I thought, “new.”

Over these three years of going back and forth for check-ups, I had to find ways to entertain myself. And one of those is observing my phlebotomists as they draw my precious blood. It takes my mind off the little pain the prick will cause, and it is great entertainment, really. A love-hate relationship maybe: love them because they will tell me what I am wanting to know, and hate them that there will always be pain.

So, I try guessing their ages. See if I can tell if they are having a good/bad day. If they are extroverts or intoverts. New or old hand at drawing blood. Neat freaks or not-so-neat.

She palpated my arm for veins…. No, not there, vein is small and not straight there. She tapped it lightly – I tried to make a fist. Then she got a hot pad and placed it on my arm for a few mintues. I am thinking, “She better get this at first try, or else…”

She applied the torniquet, swabbed the area, brought the tubes (lavender, gold, red) closer to her. She stuck the needle, no backflow – but got it after drawing back the needle by a tiny bit. Okay, she is good. New but good.
That’s my entertainment on this visit.

Plus a nagging thought that will not leave me: Why did I have to spend that long a time deciding what to wear, cleaning and making myself look good, when, as soon as I get to my doctor’s office, I will be instructed to strip down to my underwear and wear the famous patients’ gown? I know, this is not related, but still.

Currently Reading

 

Excerpts from my "Hospital Notes"

While waiting for doctors, phlebotomies, chemo transfusions, meds infusions and X-rays, I have entertained myself by a variety of ways. One of the things I like to do is to scan magazines and newspapers and take notes of what appeals to me at the time - I always have a small writing pad in my purse. Today, I happened to 'discover' one of those writing pads - and would like to share what I wrote during "one of those days."

Around June 17, 2008

From "Woman's Day Magazine:"
"If I Only Knew Then"
1. Be kind instead of right.
2. Wear sunscreen every day. (?) (The question mark was mine.)
3. Don't be in such a rush.
4. Love yourself first.
5. Don't try to make Mr. Right into Mr. Perfect.
6. If it isn't in your wallet, don't spend it.
7. Don't let anyone make you feel unequal.
(There were more, but these were the ones that meant something on that day.)


10 Resolutions Worth Pursuing: (notes taken while having Rituxan infusion)
1. Take dance lessons.
2. Make a book of family recipes. (?) (!! Almost impossible!)
3. Splurge on a happiness treat. (I had ice cream afterwards.)
4. Master 2 techie treats.
5. Reconnect times three. (Phone someone you love but seldom have time to talk with.)
6. Go for a walk with a friend every Saturday or Wednesday lunchtime.
7. Sample ice cream.
8. Act like a kid.
9. Get out.
10. Learn 3 things from your "I really wish I could..." list.

Quotations:
"Keep your face to the sunshine and you will never see the shadow." Helen Keller

"The man who radiates good cheer, who makes life happier wherever he meets it, is always a man of vision and faith." Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up." Mark Twain

"A happy woman is one who has no cares a t all; a cheerful woman is one who has cares but doesn't let them get her down." Beverly Sills


And, ta-da!
Grilled Portabello Burgers
2 pckgs (6 oz ea) portabello mushrooms
3 tbsp bottled vinaigrette
1/3 c light mayonnaise
1/4 c drained jarred roasted red peppers
4 whole wheat hamburger buns
1 large tomato, sliced
lettuce
carrots

Blend mayonnaise and red pepper, pulse it.
Grill mushrooms...
and then nothing!
I haven't tried this yet, but the photo looked appetizing.

"Rather any sickness than sickness of the bowels; rather any pain than pain of the heart; rather any disorder than a disorder in the head; rather any evil than a bad wife." From the Mishnah

I find this quote intriguing....and all true!

I will keep my thoughts short. Have a wonderful weekend!

My latest trip kind of cured my wanderlust for now. I returned home last April beat, tired and just want to rest and stay put for.... who knows? But definitely no travels until later this year, at least.

For now, the structure and the routine of home and chores and a part time job seem sweet. I think it was because we rushed down to Tennessee to attend my son's graduation before we have recovered from jetlag. Add to that the sleepless nights there, and the long drive back. I really, really like road trips, but this time I surrender - I give up! We were coughing, and feeling miserable for the longest time, it seemed.

Only when we are feverish, and unable to breath, or suffering from an ailment that we realize how precious good health is! Appetite, to be aware of the tastes and texture of food, to be satisfied, to breath fresh air without a headache, to be tired and be able to rest....we take these things for granted...until we get sick. And then we promise ourselves to take better care of our bodies. And promptly forget this promise once we are well. Tsk, tsk, tsk. At least, I do.

This reminds me after my surgery in 2006. I had IM nailing of my right femur, and was recovering. The first couple of nights were terrible - painful, and it seemed like my whole body was angry - inflamed. I discovered then that in the hospital, reasons for rejoicing need not be big. My caregivers exclaimed, "Great job!" or "Wonderful!" or "You made it!" for accomplishments like taking a step, taking deep breaths, going to the bathroom, sitting up for 20 minutes. Yes, I will never take these simple acts for granted again.

Lord, please help me remember.

Banton, Romblon - my adventure

April is the best month to visit this little island where my husband was born and raised. The seas are calm, the college students are home, and many relatives are home for vacation. Never mind the fact that the heat is almost unbearable, we were sweating like crazy and the electricity comes on for only 5 hours at night and a couple of hours early in the morning. Never mind the 4 hours pumpboat (outrigger canoe with diesel engine) ride from Pinamalayan, Mindoro Oriental, completing the 12-hour 'biya" (up & down) trip from Manila.

My right leg is still not strong, am still using a cane, so everyone was concerned of how could I get on and off the pumpboat. Well, I am back home so obviously I survived. Where there is a will there is a way, as they say. I like the Tagalog version better: "Pag gusto, may paraan; pag ayaw, may dahilan." I didn't think I am adventurous, it is just if there is a need, or desire for that matter, human nature has a way of finding a solution.

So, this is a summary of my dramatic entrances (and exits) to get on and off a pumpboat:

I rode a small dhingy held steady from the waves by 6 bronze-skinned men (fee: 10 pesos).I heaved myself up the boat side and gingerly found a little corner for me to sit. This is one of the three spaces where you can actually sit: the third one was for the captain. All the rest of the passengers have to find a space to sit, among the baggage or on the floor on the "second level."

Next, in order to get off the boat to the pier, I had to make my way through an 8-meter long, 10 inches wide piece of plank which was inclined 35 - 40 degrees. There were pieces of wood nailed to the plank for steps. The rail was a piece of long bamboo being held by two strong (I hoped!) men. I did not relish the idea of slipping off that wood and swimming in the blue water below. And it was dark at 8:00 PM!

It was about the same for the return trip, only this time it is early in the morning, the grade was only 5-10 degrees, but there are more wellwishers and sightseers on the pier watching the "event of the day," a pumpboat loaded with people leaving for Manila. And the fact that if I slip and fall, I will be wet for the next 12 hours.

The final exit was getting off on the same piece of wood, but since the tide is low and the boat was anchored far into the water, the piece of wood fell a couple of meters short of dry land. Guess how the creative crew did it? One burly fisherman offered his left shoulder for me to sit, he took two or three steps and voila! I was on dry land. (fee: 10 pesos)

I know, I know. It would've been more dramatic if I actually fell on the water - but I was not after drama - I was after making it home in one piece, dry!

The trade-off? Blue green clear waters, snorkeling, fishes, corals, relatives, games, late-night talks, quiet evenings, stars that seem to be easy to reach, gorgeous sunrise, cool, clean sea breeze all the time. Beautiful beaches, picnic in the beach with relatives.

It was a great trip!

Humility

I had just a huge dose of 'humble pie' in the past couple of days. For several weeks, even months now I had always included a "please keep me humble" phrase in my prayers, and I realized that God is answering my prayers.

This week I had returned to work part time, at least to have an income and ease up the financial burden of our home, even for just a bit. Actually, it is more like to save me from turning into a useless zombie if status quo is maintained.

Well, I was assigned a job I used to do, but now I was no longer in control - someone else is. Add to that the fact that the pay is scaled down so much. And I am given a tiny room with an old computer. And I will be moved from place to place as a temporary, insignificant worker. And no benefits....

I am thankful I have a job at a time like this. Yet, as I leave the office this afternoon I was in tears. Not really from regret or remorse, just realizing and affirming the fact that we are just vapor in the wind, and everything we thought we own are not really ours in the first place.

Pruning is a really painful process...

Beat the Blues!

Q: What is bad about a two-month holiday filled with swaying palm trees, cloudless skies, ocean breeze, bright sunshine and surrounded by friends and relatives?

A: Returning to a quiet house, gray skies, freezing temperature, hardly any one outside.

Q: How did you beat the blues?

A: Faked it till I made it! Ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa!

Happy New Year!

Hello, everyone! I wish you all the best for the new year. Everything around us look bleak: the economic collapse is starting to hit home. I know, I feel it too, especially that I am out of job, and have astronomical medical expenses. The good side, though, is that I look at this as a time to really look deep in myself and see where can I cut costs.

Frankly, I was sucked by this materialistic world, too: I have too many clothes, shoes, and my basement and garage are filled with boxes of stuff that I never opened (and never missed!) for the past 2 years. Therefore, for this new year, my goal is simplify, simplify, simplify. We will start this weekend when my daughter and I will go through each room and sort through the treasures and junk that have accumulated through the years.

Wish me luck, but what I really need is wisdom to know which ones to keep and which ones to throw, and strength and will power to part with those things that had 'owned me' over the years.

My family wishes you a new year that is full of sweetness, happiness and prosperity without end!

Home Is home...

By now, my family had been traveling in and out of the Philippines for 20 years. The first time we left the country was in 1988 when my husband was asked to join the church regional office in Singapore. Our daughter was then 6, our son was 18 months. Now she is 26 and he is 21.5 years old.

You should think that we are now experts in sorting, packing, estimating weights of suitcases, immigration procedures. You should think that we have perfected the skill of tipping and haggling with taxicab drivers and porters. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I am afraid we will never perfect this set of skills – there will always be something we forgot to pack, and we will always wonder if we gave too small a tip, or perhaps, too big?

I wait for my husband as he loads our huge suitcases onto a cart and haggle with porters… we can never travel without our gigantic suitcases… what a pain. Nevertheless, I am going home, and everything else is trivial.

The thought of going home always gives me pleasure and happiness. No matter that ‘home’ is halfway around the world and it is an exhausting 19-hour plane trip away. No matter that the house where I grew up seemed to have shrunk. No matter that it is hot, humid, and dusty, dogs barking, roosters crowing before you are ready for the day. No matter what, home is home – it is still the best place in this world.

“Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave and grow old wanting to get back to.” John Ed Pearce